Missing Teddy

I hate losing a pet. It's about the hardest thing to go through for me. We do have other animals at home which have made the grieving process a little easier. But, I still find myself browsing the pet finder site hopelessly, looking for "another teddy". I know that I can't get another one that will take the place of him, but I guess I feel, if I adopt another senior Golden, I will have a piece of him with me still. And, then the flood of tears come, And, I question myself, knowing deep inside, I don't want "another Teddy", I want Teddy. :( So as difficult as it is, for me....I am going to get through this. (But, I will say that adopting another senior is very healing, and there are so many out there, that need love desperately. They should be able to live out the rest of their lives, with a family that loves them, and not in a shelter.)

One other thing that I have never mentioned before, is I carry a lot of guilt. Any time you have to put a pet to sleep, that decision weighs on you. And for me, it has been an enormous weight on me. I blame myself, I tell myself that I should have brought him back home, instead of letting them put him to sleep. I replay the last few hours with him, minutes, and seconds. I feel so bad, like I betrayed him.   
My mom shared this online and it really spoke to me,

Dear Mommy,
My last day was quite hard for you
I know it crushed your soul,
But what you did was right for me
Your braveness made me whole!
My body could not carry on
I used up all its play,
And in your heart, you knew it was
To be my final day!
With tears, you took me to our vet
With just a bit of hope,
But everyone agreed with you
My body could not cope!
I felt your arms around me, mom
Your love came shining through,
And as you cried those tears for me
I wanted to help you!
I tried real hard to wag my tail
And kiss you on your face,
For you were sending me to Him
With dignity and grace!
Oh mom, I had a special life
With you right from the start,
As your first kid, I’ll always be
Forever in your heart!
Let Michael and sweet Erin know
That from my cloud above,
I’ll always have my eyes on them
Protecting with my love!
For up here, I can see again
Still bumping into things,
They say it takes a little time
To work these Angel wings!
My body is now full of life
My puppyness is back,
My mind is sharp, my heart is full
There’s nothing that I lack!
Though yesterday was hard for you
I thank you for your choice,
I needed you to do this, mom
You had to be my voice!
With love and licks, Bentley
© Copyright 2018 Amy Comstock


There's a voice inside of me, that tells me I am being foolish. I have friends who have lost a child, and here I am completely distraught over losing my dog. So, I don't tell anyone on social media (other than the time right after he passed) that my grief is overwhelming, me. My blog, however, is mine. No judgment here. I miss him.