I have been getting a lot of questions as to why am I adopting an older child? Do I think that it will be a hard transition for him and our family? What kind of behaviors will he bring with him? and more.......
Nothing negative, just a lot of questions out of curiosity.....
When I adopted Caleb at age 2 1/2 years old, to me that seemed old. I wondered how he would adjust to our family and if he would bond with me. Yes, he did and his transition into our family went smoothly.
When I brought home Elijah at 2 1/2 years old, I never had a doubt in my mind that he would transition into our family smoothly......and he did.
This time, we are adopting Liam who is already 6 years old and will probably be 7 by the time we bring him home. Praying that we can bring him home before his 7th birthday, but in all reality, he may be 7 before he comes home. I have thought about his transition and the possibility of him having inappropriate behaviors from being in an institutional setting his whole life. I have thought about the bonding process and what if he doesn't bond with me. I have thought about what it will be like for him, to lose everything he knows (language, friends, what he knows as his home, sights, sounds, foods.....and so many others.)
First of all, this isn't about me....it's about Liam, and how I can help him adjust to our family and his new life, while at the same time he is dealing with his losses. To be honest, I am preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. I think my biggest worry is that he will be sad and unable to verbalize that. I have heard from other families who have adopted older children with Down syndrome and how their child did not want to be held, would cry at times for no explained reason, display inappropriate behaviors, and not want to join in with the family during activities.
I hear these things and all I can think of is.... how can I make this transition easier for Liam? How will I console him when he is crying and doesn't want to be held? I realize it may take him a long time to bond with me, and that's okay......I can wait. It will be hard, but I can do it. It will just make the day that he puts his arms around my neck and the day that he calls me "Mama" that much more sweeter.
I have the book
The Connected Child, which I bought a couple years ago but have never felt the need to read, until now. I will read it while we are waiting for Liam to come home. I have also spoke with Caleb's school about the idea of Liam being in Caleb's class (1-3 grade resource room). They agreed that would be best for Liam to be able to ride the bus with Caleb and to spend all day with Caleb at school. They also have a program that will assist him in learning English in addition to speech therapy. I am also hopeful that having two brothers so close in age (Caleb 8, Elijah 5 -by then) will help ease the feelings of loss from being surrounded by lots of children his age in the orphanage. And if you have any ideas of what else I can do, I am open to learning anything that will help Liam adjust to his new life.
I am asking for prayers, it will not be easy.....for Liam. I know that by bringing him home, he will be free from the death sentence he has been given. I know that, I can be happy knowing that he will have a good life, a happy one. But Liam will not know that, he will not understand that....and because of that, he may mourn the loss of his old life. So please pray for my little guy and for all of the other families who have chosen to adopt an older child.
I am blessed beyond belief to be able to adopt one more time. I honestly did not think it would be possible....but God has opened several doors, very quickly I might add....and so I am excitedly on this journey again. Thank you all for your donations (believe me...with this adoption they are needed more than ever) and also for your prayers...they mean the world to me and they are also needed very much. God Bless!
