Sometimes....

Sometimes this world can make me feel like there is no hope. Sometimes I think about this adoption and wonder if it can really happen. Am I strong enough to go through all of these emotional ups and downs as I prepare and wait and wait some more for a child that I have never met? This adoption is expensive and there have been times when I have been worried wondering how in the world am I ever going to raise the funds to bring this child home. I catch myself worrying about the process and how slow and difficult it has been in the last year for so many families adopting from this country. I've even caught myself thinking, "What am I doing? Why am I doing this again?"

I quickly get very upset with myself when I start thinking that way.

Because it's not about me.
It's not about me and how I don't want to be inconvenienced.
It's not about me and how I don't want to be broke for the next year as I try to scimp and save every last penny.
It's not about me when I make myself ask over and over again for donations.
It's not about me when I think about what I could be doing if I wasn't trying to adopt this little boy.

It's about Liam and all the other orphans who are helplessly waiting.....

They wait,
while we go to the movies,
while we eat out with friends,
while we put our children on the bus to go to school,
while we watch our favorite shows and eat popcorn with our family,
while we watch our children play at the park,
while we read our children stories,
while we tuck them in at night,
while we go to bed and look forward to the next day.

No, it's not about me.

And I quickly ask Jesus to forgive me, that for even a second, I could think that it is ever about me.

As my little boy waits, I can't sit here and feel hopeless, or worried or tired.

Liam is waiting. His whole life is all about waiting. And the sad part is that almost all of the children born just like him, and put into orphanages and institutions, will wait their entire lives and no one will come.

No, it's not about me.

And really, throughout this adoption process, I have dreamed of having Liam home and watching him play with his brothers. I imagine him sitting in the back seat with Caleb and Elijah. I long for the day that he steps off the school bus in front of our home. I want my little boy home and I LOVE this child so much already!

But the point of the post....is that the process is difficult, it's emotionally difficult. It financially difficult, and it can be overwhelming at times. But I know from experience, that adoption is so worth it....and I will be the one rewarded in the end when Liam finally comes home. I will be the one who's blessed when this little guy calls me Mama....and I can't wait!!!

During those times when I talk with Jesus about this adoption, I am reminded of all of these innocent children. I am reminded that they are depending on us. Their lives, and their futures depend on what we do now, right now.