Meeting Liam

I waited in the room with Ben.  The room had a ball pit, a small children's table, a few bean bag chairs and some stuffed animals. There was also a shelf with a few knick knacks (which made me wonder how many children actually come into this room) and above that a radio with a CD player. There were several people in the room. The institution director, a doctor, a therapist (not sure what kind) a few staff members and my facilitator. These people were all very curious as to why I wanted to adopt a child with Ds from their institution. It had NEVER been done before. As I waited for them to bring Liam in, I imagined a rambunctious almost 7 year old to be entering the room. I had dreamed of this day. I was going to meet the little guy who would run around the backyard with Caleb and Elijah, laughing and just being a little boy.

Then it happened. The door opened and in walked this tiny little boy. Both Ben and I gasped at his size. "Look how small he is!" I said through a smile and tear-filled eyes. His eyes were all over the room, as if this was a strange place for him. I approached him and picked him up. I hugged him and immediately told him that I loved him. He made eye contact for a second and then looked around. So many eyes on us at this moment. What were they all thinking? I took out a truck, some playdoh, a magnadoodle, some bubbles and a photo album from my backpack. Over the next  few minutes or so, I quickly learned that none of these held his interest. He didn't know how to play. I held him and kissed his face.

I didn't expect his teeth to be so covered in plaque. Both Caleb and Elijah's teeth were beautiful, so I didn't have any reason to think that Liam's would be any different. But they were awful and the smell that came from his mouth was horrid. :( Mental note to myself: first thing when I return to the US, make a dentist appointment for Liam. A sad reminder of the neglect he has endured.

During the rest of our visit, I tried to engage Liam and get him to look at me. He did a few times and he smiled. He loved to be held. That's a good thing.....but still something didn't feel right.

I was told that there was a paper that needed to be signed, not on this day but after I had visited with Liam a couple more times. A paper that said I wanted to proceed with his adoption. I told them that I would sign it that day. And I did. Then we had to leave.

Because Liam had been transferred to an institution, the drive back to the apartment where we were staying was 2 hours long. I took out my camera and went through the pictures that my facilitator took of my visit with Liam. I smiled at how adorable he was. A tiny little thing with such big, dark brown eyes. Such a small, innocent, and very neglected child. WHY does this happen? I stared out the window and began to pray.

God had His own plan for me (when will I ever learn that my plans are not His?). This is not the child I had envisioned running around the yard with Caleb and Elijah. For goodness sake, Lord, he can't even clap his hands by himself. He doesn't eat solid foods. He makes funny noises but doesn't talk. He is not potty trained. He doesn't play with anything. What am I doing Lord? I just signed the paper saying I would make this child my own......but God, this isn't what I had planned.

Questions were  swirling through my mind like.....will he ever play with Caleb and Elijah? Will he play with toys? Will he interact with us? Will he learn at school? Will he ever talk? Will he be the "baby" of our family always? Because clearly he is right now.

I got scared. I didn't plan on adopting a younger child. I wanted an older child who would thrive in a family and play with his brothers. Clearly this child is at an infant stage. He is like a walking infant.

Okay,.....I thought to myself, God is in charge here and He knew where Liam was developmentally... and still, He chose me to make this journey to Liam. He had whispered to me...."It's okay, you can sign the paper. I've got this. You'll see."

 As we drove through the cold, snowy darkness, I decided to accept God's plan and began to envision Liam in our family.....in a different way this time. I envisioned the boys helping him do things, loving him and taking delight in the funny sounds he makes. I knew that was going to be a hit with Caleb for sure. I saw myself holding Liam in my arms and singing to him, introducing him to the bath, books, music,.....I also thought of things that I would need to change like he would probably need a toddler bed. I had a twin bed prepared for him but he is smaller than Elijah. Thank goodness, I didn't buy any new clothes for him yet since he is clearly 3-4 sizes smaller than I had thought. My fear began to take a back seat to my excitement of bringing home this precious soul and showing him what a real family is.

Again I heard God whisper, "Liam is not what you had envisioned......but he can love and he needs love. He is my gift to you."

Since that day, just over a few months ago....I have rejoiced in this child of mine. He has been home a month now and while, he still doesn't clap his hands by himself and he still cries when he is hungry......he gives us love. He smiles big and raises his arms to me. God kept true to His word, as He always does, "He is my gift to you."

Thank you Lord, for giving me this child.

And three days after I wrote this post, Liam  clapped his hands all by himself. :)