Reflecting

It's been 2 years, since Liam has joined our family......

Liam came home at 7 years of age. Before that, his needs were minimally met in an orphanage and later an institution in Russia. I have adopted twice before. Both Caleb and Elijah came home at 2 1/2 years of age. This time was different. I wanted to adopt an "older" child. I simply felt the need, to venture out of my comfort zone.

Orphans have very little chance of being adopted. With over 140 million orphans in the world today, it's easy to understand. Then, you have the disabled orphan, who basically has next to no hope. And finally you have the older disabled orphan who has run out of hope. Yes, out of my comfort zone, that's where I was going.

I connected with other families who have adopted older children with Ds. I read about their trials and the challenges that they faced. I learned about the additional health issues they dealt with, from rotting teeth to severe malnutrition. I learned about attachment issues and other behaviors that an older child might have. And then,..... I traveled to meet him.


When I first met Liam, I was a little surprised by his size, (very small) but not shaken by it. I was not turned off by the horrible stench that came from his mouth. I knew that it could be a possibility. The result of years without brushing his little teeth. I was later told, that if they didn't learn to brush their teeth, the workers didn't bother to brush them. Liam wasn't interested in toys or looking at books. He made little eye contact. He wasn't potty trained. He was non-verbal.  He didn't eat whole foods. All of his food was pureed. All of these things, I knew were a possibility.  I was also not surprised when one of the institution caregivers asked me, why I wanted this one?? They had better ones than him, she said. I simply told her because I loved him. I'm sure she didn't understand that answer, but really, I had no other explanation. They all need and deserve love, not just the "better" ones.

The first few months that Liam was home with us, were not too difficult. Feeding was an issue though, because he would only eat a few select pureed foods. I soon realized that he was in no way, near ready to potty train either. But he was a good sleeper and a very easy going little guy. One thing that was disturbing, is that he would fuss when my other sons, would come near him. He would even cry if they touched him. I came to the conclusion that he was hurt by the older kids in the institution. As I have mentioned in previous posts, that on my second trip to see Liam, I saw that he had a cut on his face and a crushed finger nail. Someone had hurt him. Anyway, over a couple months, Liam learned that no one was going to hurt him here, and he didn't need to be afraid. But, he still did not play with his brothers. It would take about a year for him to take any interest in them at all.

I watched how Caleb and Elijah would try to get Liam to play with them. It made me so sad to watch as they eagerly wanted him to play and he would not respond. I also felt sad for Liam, who just didn't seem to "get it". He didn't get that we were his family. It didn't seem to matter to Liam if he was here or still in Russia. Thinking about Liam's first seven years and all that was stolen from him, made me incredibly sad. Seven years without a family, without appropriate medical care, without adequate nutrition, and without love has left it's scars on my son.

Liam today:

Liam came home at seven years old, but at  9 months old developmentally. Progress has been very slow. Liam is still not potty trained. He still refuses to eat anything solid. Sometimes, he will take a bite of a cracker. And when he does, he still spits it out immediately. Liam is still non-verbal but is using about 15 signs. Yes, only 15, but that's okay. He will learn at his pace. He isn't pointing yet. He hates to hold a writing utensil. He is just beginning to make a choice between two objects. However, he will now bring a book to me to read to him. He doesn't play with his brothers, but he will follow them into the same room just to be with them. They do make him laugh, especially when they tickle him! He has a playful personality. Liam giggles and runs when I call him to brush his teeth or comb his hair. And boy, can this kid dance with the best of them! I also love how he becomes a fish in the tub, pool, sink, wherever he can find water. And his laughter makes my heart burst.  He knows that he is safe, loved, and that he is home.

When I look at Liam, I see a beautiful and funny little guy that I can't imagine my life without. I celebrate every bit of progress he makes, no matter how small. He is mine and I am his. It's true, you can't save them all, but you can make a difference, in the life of one.