I didn't feel that way

Every time I read about someone recalling what it was like to give birth to a child with Down syndrome, it makes me want to say, "Hey, wait a minute!" Why? Because they always explain it like this: "It was like the child I had hoped for had died. I had to grieve the child I lost."

And while that is true for many, that is not how it was for me. When we we're thinking about having children, we wanted a healthy child. Period. And that's what we got. So, you're probably wondering, what I did feel when I was told Jimmy had Down syndrome? I instantly felt sad for him, afraid that he would be made fun of. I cried because I didn't want his life to be difficult. I was afraid he wouldn't have friends. And I cried because when the doctors talked about heart defects and such, I was scared to death he may die young. I couldn't imagine it.

So my tears were different. I felt differently than everyone I have ever talked to or read about. I sometimes worry that when young women read when you have a child with Ds,  you will grieve your lost child, that, that may freak them out. Who wants to deal with that nightmare when they give birth? No one, wants to grieve and feel such a  loss when their child is born. So could it have an impact on women deciding whether or not they will abort? I wonder.

I want young women to know that not everyone grieves for a child that they lost. I didn't dream of my child one day becoming a doctor, lawyer, or an awesome athlete. I just wanted a beautiful, healthy child that would be a good person. Period.

When Jimmy was born, I did not realize how much I could love another human being. I loved him more than I ever imagined. A mother's love is so intense, and I felt every bit of that for Jimmy instantly.

So why do many new mother's feel that way? I have no idea. And I am not judging them either. But I felt different.

I just want women out there to know that the birth of a child with Ds can be a happy time.

It is such a joy to have Jimmy in my life. He has taught me patience and to slow down and to enjoy every moment. Laugh and laugh hard. He has taught me, that there is joy and beauty all around us, even when we don't see it..

He lives his life closer to Jesus than anyone I have ever known. Who has a child and then strives every day the rest of her life to be more like that child? Me. Who is so inspired by this child that she changes her dreams of becoming a preschool teacher to become a special education teacher? Me. Who is so overcome with emotion by all of the love that she has received from this child, that she wanted more children with Ds? Me.

And this all began with the beautiful entrance of Jimmy into this world and into my life.